Zombie Preparedness

Now that the election's over, it's time to devote some attention to more serious business. Just how ready is YOUR  local area for the Zombie Apocalypse? On our last trip to the US, we saw neighborhoods of vast green lawns and lovely, rambling houses with wide, beautiful windows. Residential areas were like little parks, unsullied by shops or groceries, with dozens of ways in or out along broad, tree-lined thoroughfares.

It was all very idyllic, but not very defensible. The average ravening horde would make short work of an American suburb. Nobody seems to have given much thought to fending off a zombie siege.

Aside from guns, of course. Americans have that part down.

But Asians? They've got everything else.

Take our former home. The Republic of Korea has a history of war. As such, they've developed something of a bunker mentality when it comes to designing living spaces. Coincidentally, this makes them the ideal place to weather a zombie uprising. Residential neighborhoods are fortified blocks, the only access points protected by heavy iron doors and barred windows.

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It's not pretty, but it's effective. And doubly fascinating in a country with such a low crime rate. Beyond those ramparts are courtyards full of gardens, chicken coops, and kimchi pots. Stockpile some rice, and you could hold out indefinitely.

Even high-end apartment complexes are covered, with walls that would make a medieval planner proud.

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Most such complexes have only one or two access points, but their outer fortifications are dotted with shops and restaurants. And while this would seem like a strategic weak point, the Koreans turned it into one more strength.

Every shop has a formidable shutter to seal it off from the world. And each building is accessible not just from the main drag, but also from behind, inside the vast fortified neighborhoods. So in a pinch (or an outbreak of shuffling, brain-hungry zombies), clerks could button up their vulnerable display windows and remain open to the residents behind. Even if the street was overrun, granny could get a little light shopping done without fear of having her brains gnawed.

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And it's not just the ROK; Mongolia has some powerful defenses as well. Our apartment boasts a main door that would require a small tank to break down. Even better, it opens outward.  The undead would have a rough time battering through, and I'm pretty sure they lack the fine motor skills to remove hinges.

But our current home isn't done yet. It also boasts an outer wall of cement, topped with tangling razor wire.

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A guardpost sits astride our main entrance, complete with a heavy metal gate to make zombie access that much harder.

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But I know what you're thinking. Sam... what about all the gers? A tent isn't much protection against the walking dead.

I would say you are correct, except many ger districts section off their plots with concrete walls and razor wire. Even there, you've got a miniature fortress to keep the horde at bay.

And best of all, zombies aren't good at remembering their mittens. Mongolia spends half the year in a deep cold: all those hordes of hungry dead would quickly freeze into immobility. The local populace would have business as usual, as long as they didn't mind walking around the occasional zombie ice sculpture.

So if you're concerned about the potential for a Zombie Apocalypse and find all those American suburbs unsettlingly vulnerable to shuffling hordes, maybe try Asia.

You could do worse.

-Sam